Texts From Last Night

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  (469): View more from Texas

  Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.

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  (469): Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think. http://tfl.nu/hmzv
  Replies (12) Good night (818) Bad night (4114) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like

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  (571): On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like http://tfl.nu/th56
  Replies (10) Good night (841) Bad night (4493) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?

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  (704): I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right? http://tfl.nu/ljg3
  Replies (13) Good night (976) Bad night (3644) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.

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  (908): Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks. http://tfl.nu/ltgr
  Replies (11) Good night (5155) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.

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  (562): at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all. http://tfl.nu/8vyn
  Replies (6) Good night (762) Bad night (2686) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.

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  (734): I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys. http://tfl.nu/1rd4
  Replies (14) Good night (4331) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

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  (954): his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here. http://tfl.nu/eop3
  Replies (3) Good night (934) Bad night (1360)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.

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  (419): He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab. http://tfl.nu/4t90
  Replies (7) Good night (1416) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  where do you find these guys?

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  (413): he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight' (860): where do you find these guys? http://tfl.nu/yte1
  Replies (14) Good night (2675) Bad night (1064)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.

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  (229): I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party. http://tfl.nu/127h
  Replies (4) Good night (1035) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much

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  (509): Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much http://tfl.nu/alr8
  Replies (2) Good night (1012) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.

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  (412): You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you. http://tfl.nu/l1dm
  Replies (7) Good night (567) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD

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  (505): I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD http://tfl.nu/div0
  Replies (13) Good night (1294) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.

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  (719): She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment. http://tfl.nu/ge6f
  Replies (3) Good night (294) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Can I get that on a shirt

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  (205): No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her. (1-205): Can I get that on a shirt http://tfl.nu/a8yc
  Replies (5) Good night (955) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt

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