before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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