I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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