We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize