youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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