Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
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Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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