Jerry, you need to find god
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
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I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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