He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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