if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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