guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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