i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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