the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize