i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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