So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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