So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize