So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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