I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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