I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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