That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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