Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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