I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize