just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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