Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize