My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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