when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize