hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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