So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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