Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize