If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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