dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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