he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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