I'm going to jail i love you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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