Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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