Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize