clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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