i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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