my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Are we still banned from the library?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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