Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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