I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
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Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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