...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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