I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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