The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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