look no pants
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize