Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize