Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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