my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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