my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize