I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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