I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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