just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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